Do as I Say or.... (Finding the Right Therapist for YOU)

Why didn't therapy work?

Therapy is often facilitated by highly educated people who (most often) haven't lived the truth of their patients.  Is that a bad thing? No.  I wouldn't wish my unique mix of traumas and victories on anyone. Where it becomes a problem is when that person who hasn't slipped into your shoes, walked a mile in shoes even the same size hands you coping skills they were taught in an academic setting.

Finding a therapist who has walked a mile can be hard, but it is also essential to recovering. Therapists who analyze, refer to psychiatrist, look at medicating trauma and don't actually examine the root causes of behavior are often part of the issue. For example: a therapist who believes that past trauma will build a dissociative disorder and a defiance disorder will be looking for those traits. Where as a therapist who experienced early abuse will be looking for the strength, determination, will power and desire for life.

These are subconscious biases that are not taught.  You can teach someone about possible outcomes but you cant teach empathy.
So find a therapist who can empathize AND push you to do and be better. 

Freedom from Lingering Resentment due to Sexual Trauma

It was never your fault, not the clothes, the location or the time was your fault!  You are a human being and you deserve the basic human rights that come with that, including the ability to say NO and be respected.

Maybe you were walking on the street, and maybe it was dark.  Maybe you went to a party and maybe there was alcohol there. Maybe you were at home with a window open, and a stranger broke in.  Maybe you went out with the popular boy with “bitter” ex’s.  Maybe you saw signs, maybe you didn’t, maybe you were drunk and maybe you weren’t but none of that matters; rapists rape and assault (period).

We want to believe that we (women or men) would “fight back” or scream or any means of fight, but this isn’t always the case AND that is okay!  How we deal with trauma falls into 3 categories: Fight, Flight or Freeze.  We all respond to adrenaline by either fighting (going on offence or defending), running away from the situation ( not trusting anyone and reducing the pain experienced during an attack) or freezing (inability to do either of the first 2 options often known as disassociation is going int survival mode).  All of these are normal and in no way imply consent.

Decide what type of fear reaction do you have?

1. Fight
2. Flight
3. Freeze

What types of “treatments” have you partaken in? And did it work for you?

1. Therapy
2. Psychology
3. Psychotherapy 
4. Medication

What action did you take after the assault (within 1 week)? Does it feel right?

1. Went to the police and filed a report
2. Called 911 right away
3. Cleaned up then contacted the police
4. Told a trusted friend
5. Told a family member
6. Buried it all inside and pushed down the emotions
7. Wont talk about it and avoid thinking about it (or anything that reminds me of it)

New technique:

•  Take two 3X5 cards one in an ugly color and 1 in a fun color.
•  Take 2 clear glasses and tape 1 card to each glass.
•  Write all the emotions you feel about the assault on the ugly color card and tape it to the first cup
•  Write all the emotions you want to feel about sex and love in general on the other cool color card, tape it on the other cup
•  Fill the ugly label cup with water, read the label and renounce each feeling like so:
• "I renounce the angry feelings that I hold towards sex as a result of the assault on my body, and I know that I alone hold the power to my own body."
• And continue with each emotion and renouncing each feeling.
•  Now pour the water from the renounced feelings cup into the desired feelings cup and CLAIM these feelings as yours!
•  DRINK THE WATER! 
•  Change your reality!

Good Luck!

Changing Perceptions to Create Reality

Sometimes what we believe deep within our souls is a lie, so we need to change the script in our own minds. 

1 way to change the script  is to practice the 5x55 method, and while this video talks about manifesting money, I want to cover some of the other bases with you.
Everything is Energy, and negative and positive energies are prevalent in our world.  when we take 2 magnets and face negative magnetic force it will reject, but a positive force will be accepted, so by this principle: positivity attracts and negativity deflects.  Most Manifestation videos on YouTube talk about money manifesting, but money is simply a measurable quantity of energy.  It is easier to say I manifested $20 than to say I manifested patience, respect, favor or safety.  Money is an easy marker, but everything else is just as important.  The relationship you have to the words: Safety, Respect, Perseverance, Joy, Honor and Relaxation will determine if you manifest more or less of those qualities in your life.

Snuggles Make my Hubby Happy

I am going to share a few of the things that I have used to reach deep within myself, Identify my trauma and refuse to play the victim.  These are skills that anyone can use to change how we view life. Some of us like to think that life happens to us and we have no control; because, that gives us an excuse to limit our own destiny to fit what expectations and restrictions others have placed around us.  Most of us excusing our own lack of happiness based on circumstance forget that we have a choice: look at life as a passive act we have no power within, or look at life as a masterpiece and see ourselves as the artist creating the life we live.  What makes you happy?  What makes you content?  When you do that thing that makes you laugh on good days and brings slight relief on the bad ones, you are beginning to define your own destiny.
Before I launch into some tools I have learned and refined, I would like to suggest that if you are struggling with finding a reason for your existence Read this book (linked) on Kindle, paper back or hardcover.  

Bubs Loves Climbing: So the Outdoors are a MUST

What type of Supporters do you have?

Do you have people who lift you up? Or are they more prone to blame you for the way you see the world? Make a list of everything you need in a friend, and a separate list of everything a good friend cannot be.  Keep these in mind when you choose friends, because your community matters too.

Are their things that if a family member or close friend said would really hurt you?  If a doctor or other professional said the same thing would it hurt, you in the same way?

Is there something you don't want to be judged for? Like a diagnosis or a way of thinking?  Is there something you feel like everyone around you would judge you for, but for some reason you need to talk about it? Click here and send me a message to get connected to a professional.

Local Coffee Shop Chai Tea Makes Me Smile

Is there anything that if your therapist or professional support were to tell you, you would really work to change but if anyone else told you may be offended by?  Is your perspective changed by WHO is trying to help you, HOW they approach you, WHAT your relationship is or WHERE they chose to approach you about Healing?

Do the deep, hard inner work that scares you.  Think about it, address it, forgive yourself, let it go.  As soon as you can address it, forgive yourself and move on the sooner you will find freedom in your every day life!

Is there anyone in particular you trust to help you identify when you have tunnel vision, or are looking for the worst in people?  Is there anyone who can address the hard parts of healing with you? 

Really take a good look at your circle, and either go out looking for the kind of friends you want and need, become the kind of friend you need because then you will attract that into your life OR chose your person who you trust and talk to them and let you know that you will be doing some inner healing and may need extra support in this time.

Check out this app for reminders etc.

I am so proud of each of you who have started this journey into healing, and I cant wait to see the lives around me begin to change, as the people living them stop hiding and start creating the realities that they desire! Including freedom of the mind, spirit and restraints of blaming life, by simply changing how we view life, together.

How Experience Shapes Reality

Is What You See, Hear, Believe and Perceive Always The Truth? 
We all live our lives believing that how we perceive the world is how the world is, but what if we are wrong?  What if each experience, each trauma and each success actually shapes how we perceive reality?  What if our life actually adds filters (or lenses) to our perceptions so that we begin to see our truth more and the truth less?

Important Note: Your experience is valid, and each person processes situations differently. There is no right or wrong way to process BUT there are lenses we put on and recognizing those can help improve our own healing as people who have life.

What are some things that have created my personal filters?

1. Abandonment
2. Early Childhood Abuse
3. Physical and mental abuse
4. Sexual Assault
5. Out of home Placement Confirming Abandonment Beliefs
6. Lack of Stability
7. Lack of Respect for my Body
8. Suicidal Ideation and Action
9. Homelessness
10. Near Death Experiences

What Are Some Things that have Removed these Filters?

1. Therapy with a therapist I personally chose
2. Building my community of high vibration individuals
3. Deciding for myself who I consider family and cutting any and all negativity out of my circle
4. Learning to say "no" and enforce it
5. Becoming an Independent Damsel Pro and learning the POWER of sharing Knowledge (this is not a recruitment scam: I am no longer a Damsel Pro)
6. Loving myself enough to see myself as worthy, these are the main ways I did this:
1. Became pregnant and meditated and prayed my way through and AMAZING pregnancy
2. Became a wife: Chose my Husband and his 2 children as my own
3. Wrote and Launched the "Adopted Bad Ass Course"
7. Became my own best friend
8. Last but not least:I forgave myself for everything.

How did I go from a 20 year old who blamed the entire world for everything that had happened to her while refusing to see that it had happened for me, to a kick ass 23 year old mama of 1 and bonus mama of 2, launching a course about healing on a scale that's never been seen before? 

I worked on myself, I invested in myself, I took stock of all that I have been given, the roles that others have played in my life, the role I had played in the life of others and I stopped playing the victim.

Was I abused?  Absolutely.  Can I spot an abused person or an abusive person from miles away? Most definitely! 

Was I suicidal?  Yes.  

Can I spot someone struggling with life through a text message? YES!

Was I homeless? Yes.  

Do I have compassion for those who have less than me, give freely and love deeply those who struggle? You bet! 

Do I believe that All of this brought me to where I am today, writing a blog, launching a system of success, calling out my own Bull Shit and challenging you to do the same? Yes, I do. 

 I now Challenge you to do something that I did, an exercise in dedication, commitment to healing and changing YOUR mind about YOU.

Take a moment to list out all of the ways in which you have chosen to limit your own healing, and then make a decision to change it.  Address that 1 thing that terrifies you, write a letter to the person who hurt you the most (even if that person is you) and yep, I am going to say it: FORGIVE THEM! Forgive them because it will stop the hatred you hold for them from eating you alive, when you forgive you really just free yourself from being defined by that person’s actions and cut off your own limitations.  You claim the power back and stop being a victim and start surviving.  Forgiving IS NOT condoning, forgiving is CHOOSING to be free. And don't We ALL want freedom!

Blame is Great- Do it Right!

In my life I blame my mother for abandoning me and my adopted mother for abusing me.  I blame her for my trust issues, for my anxiety, depression and PTSD (probably leaning toward C-PTSD).  I blame my mother because she abused me and couldn’t chose her children (all 8 of us) over her drugs, in fact we were either a way to get drugs, or in the way of her drugs.  I blame her for my body being predisposed to addiction, but I also blame her for my knowledge of people, my ability to spot an addict from miles away, I blame her for my persistence and ability to keep living even when my mind and body want to quit.

My adopted mother I blame for my anxiety and inability to accept love, I blame her for distorting my love map and normalizing abuse in my life.  I blame her for teaching me that necessities are privileges and causing me to have an eating disorder.  I blame her that my fear of rejection at times overcomes my fear of physical pain.  I also blame her for my spirit of a protector, my warrior spirit that stands up for injustices. I blame her for my empathy and ability to see people as they are and underneath all the bullshit.  I blame her for my ability to love with absolutely no expectation of a return.  I blame her for my husband, because of her I knew how to love someone equally to myself and without dependency.  So yes, I blame her for my life, but I blame her intelligently.

Take a moment and decide who you blame and why you blame them, but be sure you remember the good along with the bad and ugly.  If that person messed you us, they also built you into who you are now too.  Maybe someone cheated on you, but they taught you how to love with a passion, be loyal to a fault and know when to remove yourself from toxic situations. 

I was born in 1996, many people disregard my story based on that alone, I am in my 20’s and who has life figured out in their 20’s? NOT ME! But I do have MY LIFE figured out.  I know who I am and why I am here.  I know who loves me and cheers in the bleachers and who boos when I take a stand.  I know who I blame and why I blame them.  I know that everyone plays a role.  It is so easy to pick apart the past, but a wise man once said, “the past is gone, the future isn’t promised, the now is a gift that’s why it is called the present.” And I am 100% sure that he is right.

I was born to a woman who abused methamphetamines her entire adult life, and I lived with her for 6 months before I was removed from her care.  She fought for me very minimally and she has said recently this “God told me to have babies, but HE never told me to raise them.”  She is right and without her, I would never have had the life I did have, the testimony, the basis of knowledge and ability to meet people where they are that I have now. 

I was officially adopted when I was 2 years old, and yeah that’s young, but I had already learned I had to survive on my own.  Genetically we are strong, determined and stubborn, but how is an adoptive parent to know that?  All she knew was that having a baby wasn’t what she remembered, and I was a hard toddler, as she adopted my siblings I felt as though she loved them more, and I fought for attention.  I often had to protect my siblings from her abuse, I acted out because she needed to see me as worse, otherwise the abuse would transfer.  I was the beating post.  I was the trouble child. I was abused so severely. But I learned a very important lesson, my children will never fear me, my children will never feel less than worthy of my love, and my children are mine whether they grew inside me or someone else.  My children are my world, they know it, the world knows it and we all know it. 

When I was 7 my mom told everyone I had tried to kill my sister and had me put into “respite care” but I guess she thought that my ability to adapt would be strong enough that I would not be seen as bad anymore.  She pulled me home, and then the abuse got worse.  Attachment therapy and more.  I remember the first time I planned my death I was 8, and the last time I planned my death with the intention of dying I was 17, in that span I attempted 9 times.  I was a minor and every time that anyone reported the abuse, my parents told the responders I was mentally ill, and they left.  I only ever spoke to 1 CPS case worker in all the times they showed up. 

When I was 14 I was sexually assaulted, by a person who taught me how to fight.  My world was shattered by a court case, forced conversations, and so much pain and emotional wounds that were never permitted to heal, so I pushed it down.  This led to me leaving home at 18 years old and living on the streets, finally detoxing from all the medications I had been force fed, alone.  I was scared but I learned about love, lust, fear, truth, addiction, pain and trust through the people who surrounded me.

When I was 19 I chose to accept the help of an aunty, moved in with her, got a job and messed up my life a little by being a teenager and by being the kid I was never allowed to be before.  I got a phone and have paid my own phone bill and rent from that day on.  I learned about responsibility, trust in myself, resourcefulness, and truth during this time.  I also began to see WHO I was underneath all my Bullshit, and I began to strive to be that person.  I struggled and failed, but I also rose and succeeded in becoming.

When I was 20 I rented a room from a woman whose son was addicted to heroine because being gay was too hard of a cross to carry in his family.  

I don’t know that he ever found himself, or let himself be who he is, but I pray he does.  I met my husband when I was 20 and married him in August of 2017.  I am really effing proud of that day!  I am really proud of becoming a mother figure to his children, I am even more proud of my body, for carrying my son inside it and creating his life.  I am proud of the day he turned 1, because it was the day I said to myself, I CAN do this mom thing and I love it.

So, why am I qualified?

Because I’ve lived a full enough life in 23 years to tell you that improving your life is a simple decision to believe in yourself, and if you must blame someone, anyone for your life: Blame them Intelligently.  If you must blame them for the pain, then you must blame them for the outcome!  Becoming who you are is because of your pain.

Because of your pain, you have purpose.  It isn’t what we WANT to hear, it isn’t what we want to believe but it is the truth, and it is shaping you into your purpose.  Its painful.  It's scary.  It is more than worth it.

Review by Grandparents and Author Gabriel Richards

I will be launching Web Classes and a podcast in February 2020!  So Stay tuned and don't forget to blame with intelligence!

My Purpose

I am Madisun, Adopted Bad Ass

Hubby and Our Son

I have created Adopted Bad Ass because I felt that adoptees, like myself, were often seen as “damaged” by society.  As I have grown and learned about life, love and happiness, some core beliefs of mine have been challenged, changed and improved to create the person I am today.

Manifestation is just 1 tool I have used to rewire my brain to use healthy thought patterns and begin to approve of myself.

Not everyone will love you, but you can always love yourself, its healthy to do so.  You should love you, because if you don’t, who will?

Self Care on a Friday!

My Step Baby and My Son

My Best and easiest advice is: Be your own best friend, number 1 fan and support team is huge progress.  It isn’t about survival it’s about Joy and Desire to always improve your PERSONAL success! 

My hopes for you
You learn to love yourself deeply

Learn to trust your body (instincts)

Heal and discover your inner voice

Become who you came here to be 

Remember there is more than 1 path to the same peak. 

I have walked a mile in my shoes, I am happy to try on yours.

My Other Step Baby and My Son

If you need a hand to hold as I walk my path, I am beside you. If you need someone to wear your shoes, empathize, cry with you or grieve beside you, I am the woman for the job.

And if you want to Heal, Transition and Transform

I am here to give you step by step, plan by plan individual healing advice, while you do the hard work of healing.  I want to level up, and I want you to level up with me.  Healing is better with community.

LIFE EXPERIENCES

Abuse, Neglect and Adoption due to Abandonment

Feeling unwanted from the very beginning of time really does take its toll.  At least it did for me.  I adapted, felt and hid my feelings, hid from myself and I became a shell of myself.  And I overcame that, so you can too!

Sexual Assault- The Blame Game

Surviving sexual assault and rape is hard, but to be blamed by the very people who should support you is even harder.  I learned to support and heal myself and lost trust, I can teach u how to get that back.

Suicidal Ideation and Action 

My Cat is amy 4th Baby

Freeing the world from the burden of you, is not all it is made out to be.  Maybe people will miss you, and maybe people will pretend it never happened, maybe the pain will transfer, most likely it won’t.  But pain reminds us of where we are headed.  And if you think death is your way out, I can help you to see another option.

Join me in this journey! I need 10 more volunteers by 11/01/2019 to receive a free bundle of all my amazing study plans, and self help activities!  Will you be the next to be healed?Send Me a Message