Change is Hard and Why it's Uncomfortable

We all know that Change is inevitable in life, business and all that exists, so why is change so hard?

When we, as a community really take the time to look at change, we must also examine what we will feel in regards to that change.  At the center of the concept, change itself is an uncomfortable feeling derived from stepping outside of your comfort zone and attempting to shift your perspective, your reality or your future.  The uncomfortable feelings that we most likely feel are: uncertainty, fear and even anger or disappointment.  These are all natural reactions to change and acceptable neuro-responses to the unknown variables that change invariably presents.  Change is one of the hardest decisions and most terrifying action you will ever take, but it is also the most necessary and rewarding.

Change begins with a decision that what is happening right now is not serving your vision for 5 minutes from now, tomorrow, next week or even next year.  Change starts simply enough, but in time we find that change is inevitable and if YOU don't decide to direct the changes in your life to serve you then God/the universe/your higher power will use change to direct YOU.  What do I mean by this exactly?  For an example, I will use my life:
Growing up I believed that everything from food, water, clothes, a bed was a privilege to be earned and not a basic human right.  When I was in foster care when I was 15 it was the first time I had ever been unafraid of not having these basic necessities.  Did it take time for me to unlearn the fear of "if I don't eat this and more I might not eat tomorrow" or "if I don't wash my hair well enough tonight I might not get a warm shower this week at all?" yes.  I gained a ton of wight from gorging on food, I was often too clean, I washed my sheets every week because I revelled in the "clean sheet smell" that was so rare in my life.  I was forced to change my actions and core beliefs about the value of human life, my life and the lives of others.  I was forced to re-evaluate what powers people "in charge" really have.  I never really had a good example of what parenting is, and that is blatantly obvious in the way I parent my own children.  Today I chose to change that, break that cycle and be the AMAZING mama that I can be (in this case step-mama).  I broke down, one of my kids was being herself, loud, obnoxious, disobedient, argumentative you name it. I tried to be "nice" and explain what I needed from her over and over, and then I snapped, I reverted to the yelling and fighting back that I don't wish to continue.  Then I got mad, not at her, at myself.  I broke down completely and in that I did what I do when the anxiety takes over: cleaning.  I wasn't able to articulate, so I just started scrubbing.  My husband took on the role of explaining to our child why I was angry, why he was angry and the consequences of the situation leaving her and I do face this alone.  She helped me clean, she asked questions and as we cleaned I opened up to her, "hey, I am really mad at myself for yelling at you like that and it is never okay to do that to another human being, I am so sorry." which was the change moment, the terror kicked in, my mind circled "this gives her fuel to use against you/ this tells her how to get to you/ this opens you up to look like a bad parent/ this isn't what power looks like" but her reply, "I know, I am so sorry I wasn't listening I get really hyper.  Its hard." and from there, at that moment we both chose to change.

That is the key, I have to now consistently remind myself that raising a daughter who fears me is not my objective.  Raising a daughter who trusts me to protect her physical body, meet her needs and help guard her heart while acknowledging her for WHO she truly is, that is MY objective.  Raising a daughter who knows that true power does not come from fear, but rather comes from love is my goal as a girl mom.  Raising a daughter who goes on to be exactly who she is, no matter how the world tries to define her, that is my goal.  Will I revert back to the old habits, the trauma moments where I react from a place of instinct? Most likely.  Will I choose to do better each day, love better each moment and parent better each second as well? Absolutely.  Does this terrify me? YES.
Change is the most difficult thing you can do, because change requires YOU to embrace your fear in the moment that is now, and decide that it is worth it to move forward in a way that intentionally directs YOUR life to meet and exceed your own objectives.

Maybe your objective is simply "be more organized" and so you go and you purchase organizing tools, or you make them and you organize 1 part of your home.  Do you then go and criticize every other room in your home? Maybe, but in all actuality you Can organize every room or only one and still meet your objective.  Change is a process, so no matter how small you believe your objective is, the change will inevitably be uncomfortable.  It may be a simple action to pick up your child's toys and organize them, but finding their favorite stuffy may take longer that night.  The more you embrace the changes you make in your life, the more natural the "chaos" of change becomes.
The terror may never quite go away, but embracing change does become easier as you practice it.  The reason I have given you these 2 examples is this: If I had not organized my pantry I would not have organized the toys, and if I had not organized the toys I would not have learned that cleaning brings me a sense of accomplishment and calm.  If I had not learned that cleaning calms me, I would not have chosen to clean as a way to reset my thought process and my husband would not have suggested the solution he did to today's problems.  You see, each change was hard and uncomfortable in some way, but my desire to direct my life was stronger than the in the moment discomfort.  Each decision to change in a way that intentionally guided my life into a more organized state, also guided my thoughts into a more organized state.  Each small decision to CHANGE built on each other so that my DESIRE to intentionally change to become my best self, constantly evolving and consistently embracing the discomfort of change was far stronger than the fear of changing my disorganized thinking and actions.  

As someone who has been changing my entire life, and observing my life choices from the young age of twelve when I first had to describe myself, my actions and the reasoning behind my actions to a professional, I am here to encourage you to change INTENTIONALLY.
Change because YOU want to be the writer, editor and publisher of your own story, that is your life.  Change because who you are right now, in this moment is not who you desire to be forever, and you know there is more out there for you.  Change because you are worthy of deciding who you are, what you stand for and how you portray yourself as.  Change intentionally so that one day, you embrace change as a constant and begin to evolve into who you always intended to be.  YOU are worthy of every dream in your heart and every wish you are terrified to utter, and you can have them with intentional, consistent change.  I am living proof of that.  

If you are at a place where you ALREADY have decided that you must change to become who you intend to be, but don't quite know what changes to start with: You are in LUCK!  I personally would LOVE to partner with YOU to help you to fine tune what changes you will decide to make at the cost of comfort but to gain a better tomorrow.  Partner with me, and lets create a better tomorrow together.  Click Here to Partner with Me to Create the Change You Want to See.

Much Love and Light,
Madisun Chambers-Roth